Lucas was walking home late one night when he came upon this intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk.
Wanting to help, he asked the man, “Do you live here?”
“Yesh,” the man slowly replied.
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?” Lucas asked.
“Yesh,” the man slowly sputtered.
When they got up on the second floor Lucas asked, “Is this your floor?”
“Yesh,” again the man replied.
Lucas got to thinking that maybe he didn`t want to face the man`s irate wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it, then went back downstairs.
But lo and behold when he went back outside, there was another tramp lying on the sidewalk. So Lucas asked that man, “Do you live here?”
“Yesh.”
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”
“Yesh.”
So Lucas did and put him in the same door with the first tramp. Then went back downstairs, where, to his surprise, there was another tramp.
So Lucas started over to him. But before he got to him, the tramp staggered over to a policeman and cried, “For God`s sake, offisher, protect me from thish man. He`sh been doing nothing all night long but takin` me upstairsh and throwing me down the elevator shaft!”
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms v.i.olently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked: “What the hell is going on?”
The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”
