As a restaurant owner, I hired a pianist and a harpist to entertain my customers.
After several performances, I discovered that the pianist had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested her.
Desperate for another pianist, I called a friend who knew some musicians.
“What happened to the pianist you had?” he asked me.
“I had her arrested,” I replied. We said goodbye and hung up.
A few minutes later, my friend called back and asked, “How badly did she play?”
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A group of 40-year-old mates discussed where they should meet for dinner.
Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there had low cut blouses and were very young.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
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Couple in 5-star restaurant
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.
When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”
His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook…”
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A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant.
The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart.
Trying to save face, she says to the waiter, “Please stop that immediately.”
“Certainly, madame,” replies the waiter with a bow. “Which way was it headed?”
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Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.
Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, “Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair”.
Paddy said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these, and when we get back to Scotland, we could make a fortune. Now, when we go in, you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I’ll put on my best London accent.”
“OK, Paddy, I’ll keep my mouth shut,” said Jimmy.
They go in, and Paddy said in a posh voice, “Hello, my good man. I’ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I’ll back up my truck, ready to load them on, old chap!”
The owner of the shop said quietly, “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes,” said a surprised Paddy. “What gave it away?”
The owner replied, “This is a dry cleaners……..”
