A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”
“How did you know?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
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A boy asks his mother for breakfast.
She says, “Not until you feed the animals.”
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, “I don’t feel like feeding you today.” So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he’s hungry.
His mother says, “I saw you kick the chicken, so you’re not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you’re not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you’re not getting any bacon.”
Just then the boy’s father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat.
The boy says, “Mom, should I tell him?”
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The elephantine memory
A man visits India and meets an old man at the Town Square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.
He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back.
“Eggs,” replies the old man.
The man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later, he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, “How?”
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, “Scrambled.”
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My daughter hates school.
One weekend, she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put daddy in jail.”
She looked at me, thought for a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”
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Jim, Scott and Alex are tired after travelling all day and check into a hotel.
When they get to reception, they find out they’ll have to walk 75 flights of stairs to get to their room because the elevator is out of order.
Jim suggests that they do something interesting to pass time while they walk the 75 flights. Jim will tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories.
So, Jim tells jokes for 25 flights, Scott sings songs for 25 flights and Alex tells sad stories for 24 flights.
When they reach the 75th floor, Alex tells his saddest story of all: “Guys, I left our room key at the reception.”
