My parents recently retired.
Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so Dad bought her a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
“Oh, we returned the piano,” said My Dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Because,” he answered, “with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”
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Allan retired in his early 50’s and started a second career.
However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Allan, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers.”
Allan replied, “Yes, sir, I know. I’m sorry, but I am working on it.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” his boss said. “However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn’t that correct?”
“Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I’m mighty proud of it!” said Allan.
“Well, what did they say when you came in late?” asked his boss.
“They said, ‘Good morning, General’.”
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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.
The very next afternoon three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look” he said, “I haven`t received my Social Security check yet, so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we`re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you`re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn’t physically impaired, he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career, he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day, the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type, and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview, the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
The Master Chief answered, “I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well, yes, you seem to be short one ear.”
The Admiral threw him out, also.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.
“Do you notice anything different about me?”
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, “Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral, impressed, thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. “And how do you know that?” the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied, “Well, sir, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear.”
