Three women, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette, are lost in the forest while hunting.
They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting.
She comes back with 2 rabbits.
The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?”
She says, “I found tracks. I followed the tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped.”
Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer.
The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?”
She says, “I found tracks. I followed the tracks. I saw a deer. The deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped.”
The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue.
The others say, “Wow, where did you get that?”
She says, “I found tracks. I followed the tracks. I saw a train. The train ran. I shot. The train didn’t stop!!”
=============================================
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
“Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”
When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”
=============================================
A bear walks into a bar.
The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.
The bear immediately tells him, “You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, it’s been a rough day,” says the bartender, “What are you drinking?”
“I’ll have a glass of…” says the bear. He waits a painfully long moment before adding “… scotch.”
“Why the long face?” asks the bartender.
“Don’t you mean “big pause”?” asks the bear.
“Yeah, sorry.” Sighs the Bartender. “Like I said, it’s been a rough day.”
