A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different.
Something unusual was about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees.
He went downstairs – the clock had stopped at 3 o’clock.
He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month.
Threes – that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough, in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings, and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse finished 3rd.
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Fellow shows up at the local dry cleaner’s, looking somewhat sheepish.
“I’m really sorry to bother you with this,” he says, “but I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old ticket for a suit I brought in to be cleaned five years ago! It must have fallen out of my pocket and it has been sitting in the back of my closet gathering dust since then! Would you by any chance still have the suit?”
The dry cleaner looks at the ticket and says he will go to the back of the shop to look. Fellow hears the dry cleaner rummaging around in the back for about twenty minutes.
Finally, the dry cleaner emerges, covered in dust, but with a triumphant smile on his face. “You won’t believe it,” says the dry cleaner, “but I have good news for you!”
“Oh my goodness!” says the fellow. “You mean you actually found it?”
“Yep!” Said the dry cleaner proudly: “It’ll be ready next Tuesday!”
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A fellow is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he`s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop! noise.
“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: `Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!`
“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the `hiss, hiss,` is, but what`s that `pop!` every so often?”
“Oh, it`s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”
“Well, that can`t be good for the condoms!”
“Yeah, but it`s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Betty Sue’ written on it’
He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? ‘Betty Sue’ was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.”
She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he’s reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She answers, “Your horse called.”
