For his wife’s birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
“You are not getting older. You are getting better.”
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.”
It wasn’t until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
“YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.”
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Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?”
“I didn’t have to,” Steve replied.
“Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’.
When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”
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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in their marriage. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”
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Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.
Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“I will tell you the secret of my success,” Grandpa said, “My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
One friend further asked, “But your wife is also slim and energetic?”
Grandpa said, “That is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!”
