A mother asked her young son, as they waited for the bus, to tell the driver he was 5 years old, because then he would ride for free.
As they got into the bus the driver asked him how old he was.
“I am 5 years old,” said the little boy proudly.
The driver had a son of his own that age, and smiled, “And when will you be 6 years old?` he asked.
“When I get off the bus,” answered the boy.
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A man is sitting next to a woman who’s trying to br3ast-feed her baby on a bus.
The baby refuses to suck the br3ast & the mother warns, “If you don’t suck, I shall give it to the uncle next to me.”
The baby still refuses. After about 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat.
The man clears his throat and says, “Look, madam, you’d better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six bus stops ago.”
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our s*x lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talking abouta s.e.xa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella “Mississippi”!
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
“I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.”
