Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect boys’ trip.
Two days before the group is to leave, Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he is not going. Rob’s friends were very upset that he couldn’t go, but what can they do?
Two days later, the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
“Damn man, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair, and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?
“I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had handcuffs and ropes on the bed! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
“And then she said, ‘Now you can do whatever you want.’
“So here I am….!!!”
Moral: Never deny a man meeting his friends!!!
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Liam and Oliver had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Liam invited Oliver to visit him in his new apartment. “I got a wife and two kids and I`d love to have you visit us.”
Oliver, “Great. Where do you live?”
Liam, “Here`s the address. And there`s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I`ll let you in.”
“Good. But tell me…what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?”, asks Oliver.
“Surely, you`re not coming empty-handed!”
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A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.
“Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’s going to really be ticked if it’s not ready on time.”
When she gets home, she realizes she doesn’t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.
She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.
“Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.”
Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.
“You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The woman were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”
The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his ass!”
