I boarded the train and took my seat.
The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year- old daughter, and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl, but Mom said no, she’d sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding.
“What ya got, mister?” she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her own business.)
I leaned the “package” over a bit, and she looked and said loudly, “Ohhhh, ROSES! Who are they for?” (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear, telling her to sit down.)
I said, “They’re for my girlfriend.”
She says again with a loud voice, “WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! Man, you really must have fuck3d up!”
Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom, who was now trying to crawl between the seats!
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My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, “No.”
I kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me.” Then I said, “Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?”
“No,” he replied.
I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo…. I asked one more time, “Matt, did you have an accident?”
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled…. “SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!!”
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!
Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said:
“Don’t worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time… I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did.”
