Emily was very fat.
She weighed 100 kilos, and she was getting heavier every month, so she went to see her doctor.
He said, “You need a diet, Emily, and I’ve got a good one here.”
He gave her a small book and said, “Read this carefully and eat the things on page 21 every day. Then come back and see me in two weeks.”
Emily came again two weeks later, but she wasn’t thinner; she was fatter. The doctor was surprised and said, “Are you eating the things on page 21 of the small book?”
“Yes, doctor,” she answered.
The next day, the doctor visited Emily during her dinner. She was very surprised to see him.
“Emily,” he said, “Why are you eating potatoes and bread? They aren’t in your diet.”
“But, doctor,” Emily answered, “I ate my diet at lunch time. This is my dinner.”
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A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads
“Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238” and decides to make the call. The operator asks, “How much weight do you want to lose?”
“Five pounds,” he replies.
“We’ll have a representative over in the morning,” says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, scantily-clad with a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me”.
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. And he has her. After that, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 5 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, “I want to lose 10 pounds.”
“We’ll send someone over.”
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me”. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls and says, “I want to lose 20 pounds!”
“Twenty pounds?” the operator asks. “That’s an awful lot.”
The man replies, “Listen, just take care of it!”
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I Catch You, I Can Have You”.
