A doctor had just delivered twins.
They were a boy and a girl.
The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her, and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.
As he started to touch them, the nurse took a step backwards and said, “You can’t touch those babies. You aren’t sterile!”
Without missing a beat, he retorted, “You’re telling me!”
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In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be at lantern and said,
“Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing.”
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there,” said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
“Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl.
“No, no don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”
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The young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day.
Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that. The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”
