A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.
“I’d like a box of birdseed,” said the lady.
“For which kind of bird?” he asked helpfully.
“Oh, I dunno,” she replied. “Whichever will grow the fastest…”
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A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
“You need to use ‘Grown-Up’ words,” she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Grown-Up’ words!” She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.” She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Grown-Up’ words.” She then asked little Alec what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, “Winnie the S**t.”
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One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food,
she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
