If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here’s the worst of it…
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter….. either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
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Lisa & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lisa was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ‘ Why are you throwing those nails away?’
Lisa explained, ‘When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.’
Judy got completely upset & yelled, ‘You moron! Those nails aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!’
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Cinderella was now 75 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”
The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”
Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”
The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.” At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”
Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms.
He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath: “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”
