A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and, feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise. “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer.
“Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?”
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A man went to the Police Station
wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man.
“I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
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A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman,
“Can I park here?”
“No,” says the cop.
“What about all these other cars?”
“They didn’t ask!”
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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine.” Sighs the office. “I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac.” Says the man. “If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m too drunk.”
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Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: “How do you spell Mississauga?”
The other one replied: “I don’t know.”
So the first one said: “Well what are we going to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed.”
The second oficer said: “Why don’t we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?”
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A police officer responded to a report of a disturbance at a downtown restaurant.
The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.
The giant boasted that he could whip the officer and the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World.
“I bet that you’re also an escape artist, probably better than Houdini,” said the policeman.
The giant nodded.
“If I had some chains,” the officer continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t we see just how quickly you can break out of them?”
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
“I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.
“Are you sure?” the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”
“In that case,” said the officer, “you’re under arrest.”
