Young Chuck, moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Chuck said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”

Chuck said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?”

Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit of $898.00.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

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A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.

“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”

Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”

John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.

“Stop!” screams Jim, to no avail. He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!” The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.

Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune. He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief.

“Oh,” he says, relieved. “Thank God!”

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The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.

He turned on the jockey.

“Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?”

“Sure I could have, but you know we’re supposed to stay on the horse.”