“I’m sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night,”
I told my girlfriend. “I’ve spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me.”
“Oh, that’s really nice,” she said. “What did you use to remove the stains?”
“Scissors,” I replied.
John and Tony were in a bar, pondering over Tony’s problems.
“Andrea and I want to get married,” said Tony, “but we can’t find anywhere to live.”
“Why don’t you live with Andrea’s parents for a while?” suggested John.
“We can’t do that,” said Tony, “they’re living with their parents for a while, too.”
After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.
He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
“I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don’t call the one in the second column. It’s me.”
A couple went to have their baby delivered…
Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him…..
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic…
When they reached home…The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
