The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 AM, a bit loaded, I headed home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and ‘cuckooed’ three times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I ‘cuckooed’ another NINE times.
I was proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him, “Midnight.”
He didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said, “But we need a new clock.”
When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, ‘Oh, shit.’ Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table.”
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent.
His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house. “This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room.”
“And what are the hammer and the pot that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?” one of his colleagues asked.
“This is a talking clock.”
“I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?”
“Sure! Look,” the student said. He took the hammer and struck at the pot with all his strength. Then, a voice was heard from the other side, “What are you doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!”
A guy walks into an antique store
and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, “Why don’t you watch where your going?” and the drunk says, “Why don’t you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?”
Maria and Julia were old friends.
They had in fact they had been friends for many years and both of them have been married to their husbands for a very long time.
One day, Julia went to visit Maria and confided in her that she was upset because she thought her husband didn’t find her attractive any more.
“As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me”, Julia cried on her best friend Maria’s shoulder.
“I’m so sorry for you”, Maria said. “As I get older, my husband says that I get more beautiful every day”.
“Of course he does”, Julia answered, “your husband is an antique dealer!”
