Two students talk:
“What are you reading?”
“Quantum physics theory book.”
“But why are you reading it upside-down?”
“It makes no difference anyway.”
Two men were hotly discussing the merits of a book.
Finally, one of them – himself an author – said to the other, “You can’t appreciate it because you never wrote a book yourself.”
“No,” the other man retorted, “and I never laid an egg, but I’m still a better judge of an omelet than any hen.”
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,
“Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took *ff all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said,
“Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: “Talking Centipede $100.”
The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a walk.
The centipede doesn’t answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he’s been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, “Do you want to go for a walk?”
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says,
“Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I’m putting on my shoes!”