Two men are walking through the woods and come across a big, deep hole.
“Wow, that looks deep,” one says.
The other nods. “Sure does. Toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in. They wait to hear a noise but there’s nothing so they decide to throw some larger rocks down to see how deep it is. They toss them in but again there is no noise.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says: “Hey there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss it in it has to make some noise.”
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. It leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen. Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and runs over.
“Hey, you two guys seen my goat out here?”
“You bet we did! Craziest thing I’ve ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”
“Oh no,” says the farmer. “That couldn’t have been my goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate, “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, “Do you recall your worst day last year?”
The other responds, “Yes, the day I had diarrhea!”
A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.
“What’s wrong with him?” he asked his assistant.
“He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn’t find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives”.
“You idiot” said the pharmacist “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives”.
“Of course you can” the assistant replied “Look at him… he is too afraid to cough now!!”
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, “I just got stoned with my pal the monkey.”
“Really” said the croc, “where is he I want some.” He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said “holy shit how much did you drink little buddy.”
