Two guys in a life raft in the middle of the ocean.
One sees an old bottle floating. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out.
The genie says, “For letting me out, I will grant you one wish.” The guy says, (without thinking) “Turn this ocean into beer”. And the ocean turns into the best beer anybody has ever tasted.
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The second guy says to the first, “You idiot, now we’ll have to piss in the boat”.
A man was Promoted to Montreal
Boss: Congratulations! I’m promoting you to manage our Montreal office!
The young man (disappointed): But sir! There’s nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.
Boss (now insulted): I’ll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal!
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The young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on?