Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.
The first says, “Fellas, I’ve got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock, I get up, and I try to urinate. All day long, I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine, but nothing helps.”
The second old man says, “You think you have problems. I’m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00, I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff, but nothing helps.”
Finally, the third old man speaks up: “Fellas: I’m ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp, I urinate. Every morning at 8:00, I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp, I wake up.”
A 97-year-old man goes into the insurance office and says to the insurer:
“Hello, my son. I want to have a life insurance policy.”
Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: “Sorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?”
“You know, my son, I will travel with my father to Europe.”
Even more perplexed, the insurer asks: “Again, sorry, but how old is your father?”
“127. ”
“127? And what will you do in Europe?”
He answers: “We will go to my grandfather’s wedding.”
Even more shocked, the insurer asks: “And how old is your grandfather?”
“He is … Oh, 150.”
And the insurer, ready to hear everything now, asks: “Oh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?”
“Bullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!”
