Three Insurance salesmen were having drinks and boasting about each companies’ service.
The first one said, “When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”
The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.”
The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor, in the Sears Tower. One of our insured, who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor.”
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Jonathan Hale applied for a job as an insurance salesman.
Where the form requested “prior experience” he wrote “lifeguard.” The lead recruiter, Ms. Evelyn Hartley, adjusted her reading glasses and stared at the single line typed in the “Prior Experience” section:
Experience: Lifeguard.
No dates. No location. No glowing testimonials or metrics of past performance. Just one stark word.
Evelyn looked up. “Mr. Hale,” she began with polite formality, “this role requires resilience, persuasion, and the ability to gain trust quickly. We’re looking for someone who can not only sell insurance, but who can sell themselves. You put down… lifeguard. That’s it.”
Jonathan gave a calm nod. “That’s right.”
“How does that qualify you to sit across this table?” she asked, skepticism lacing her voice.
He leaned forward, folding his hands. “May I tell you a story?”
The panel exchanged glances. Evelyn gestured slightly, permitting him to go on.
“I was seventeen. Needed a summer job. There was an opening at the city pool for a lifeguard. I’d never done it before, but I needed the money and I needed the chance.”
“And were you certified?” asked one of the panelists.
He smiled. “No.”
“You’d been a strong swimmer, then?”
He paused, his smile deepening into something almost… confessional. “I didn’t know how to swim at all.”
He got the job.
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A 97-year-old man goes into the insurance and says to the insurer:
“Hello, my son. I want to have a life insurance policy.”
Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: “Sorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?”
“You know my son I will travel with my father to Europe.”
Even more perplexed the insurer, asks: “Again, sorry, but how old is your father?”
“127. ”
“127? And what will you do in Europe?”
He answers: “We will go to my grandfather’s wedding.”
Even more shocked the insurer asks: “And how old is your grandfather?”
“He is … Oh, 150.”
And the insurer ready to hear everything now, asks: “Oh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?”
“Bullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!”
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Jay applied for the job of night security guard at the factory.
The boss looked him over carefully.
“The sort of person we need for this job,” said the boss finally, “is tough, fearless, aggressive, suspicious, distrustful, always on the lookout for trouble, and constantly ready to flare into violence. Quite frankly, you don’t seem to fit the bill.
“Oh, that is all right,” explained Jay. “I HAVE ONLY COME TO APPLY FOR THE JOB ON BEHALF OF MY WIFE.”
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A man exploring the ancient Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled across a secret room.
He sneaked away from the tour group and explored the room.
He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While he wiped the dust off the lamp a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
“For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be sire?”
The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.”
“Allah Ka Zam!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife!”
