Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend.
Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date, she said: “That was the worst night of my life!”
“Why is that?” her mom asked.
“He owns a 1952 Rolls-Royce!”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“He’s the original owner mom!”
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After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.
He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
“I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don’t call the one in the second column. It’s me.”
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A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, “So I hear you hunt deer.”
The man looked away and turned red.
“What’s wrong?” asked the woman.
“I’m not used to someone calling me dear on the first date,” the man said.
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A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner, Liam.
After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $5,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger,
“Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn`t dance a single step!”
“Well,” said Banta, “Did you remember to light a candle under the pot?”
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A lawyer returns to the parking lot
to find his sports car with the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end.
There’s no sign of the offending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper:
“Sorry, I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I’m leaving my name, address and phone number. But I’m not.”
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Smith went on a date in a brand new Range Rover Sport ride with his new girlfriend of 1 month….
Smith: I have been hiding a secret from you, and I think you’ll break up with me if I tell you the truth.
Girl: What is that, my love?
Smith: I’m already married and have 3 kids….
Girl: (Pat him on the lap and hissed) You scared a Hell out of me… I thought you wanted to say this beautiful car is not yours….
