The little girl was so proud of her birthday presents, her first watch and her first perfume.
She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning, going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume.
The preacher was coming for lunch, but before his arrival, the girl’s mother had said, “If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more, I’m going to send you to your room for the rest of the day.”
The meal went rather well, and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served. She wanted to make sure that the preacher, too, knew about her new watch and her perfume:
“If you hear anything or smell anything … it’s me!”
==========================================
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always, the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The preacher said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher.”
The preacher questioned, “How come I don’t see you except for Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”
==========================================
While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child’s voice.
I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child’s words. When I spotted a girl perched on a rock, I realized why her words had made no sense: She was repeating the alphabet.
“Why are you saying your ABC’s so many times?” I asked her.
The child replied, “I’m saying my prayers.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet.”
Patiently, the child explained, “Well, I don’t know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I’m trying to say.”
==========================================
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
==========================================
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic primary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, “Hey, we can take all we want. God is watching the apples.”
==========================================
Jimmy and Matty, ages 8 and 4, were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent Matty in the morning, and planned to send Jimmy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”
Again, Matty made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”
Matty, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”
