A prison governor is appalled by the poor standard of English used by the inmates of his prison.
To rectify this problem he decides to employ a teacher from the local grammar school to set up remedial English classes.
In the first lesson, the teacher explains that she is going to start with the basics.
“Who knows what always comes after a sentence?” she asks.
All the prisoners answer together, “The appeal!”
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Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes.
Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught. At trial, the judge condemns Jenny to ten years in prison, while Jeff gets two years. However, once they get to their respective prisons, they discover that due to a clerical error Jeff will be serving ten years and Jenny only two.
Despite of her insistence, Jeff convinces Jenny to keep quiet about it. After two years Jenny gets out and she continues to visit Jeff faithfully every month and they exchange letters and phone calls regularly for the remainder of his ten years. Finally, after he does his time, Jeff gets out and is joyfully reunited with Jenny.
They get married and move to a different state and start anew, leaving their life of crime behind. They raise a family with children and grandchildren and eventually reach old age, after having lived a happy marriage.
On their 50th wedding anniversary party, the entire family and friends are gathered. A great celebration is had, with many laughs and stories, recounting their life together. The conversation turns to the secrets to a happy marriage. One of the guests asks Jenny why she decided to stick with Jeff while he was in prison, despite all of the hardships.
Jenny answers: “Well… you know you have found the One when you finish each other’s sentences.”
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A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
“Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”
When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”
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A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf.
On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere.
“Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of my business, I’ll respect that, but I’m really curious to know how long you’ve been wearing a bra.”
“Since last Thursday,” Skip replied. “That’s when Babs found it in my glove compartment.”
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Someone was at a party when he started boasting to the local journalists that his command of English language was better than that of the average journalist’s.
An editorial writer didn’t take too kindly to that and said, “Well, I’ll bet you $100 that I can stump you.”
“I accept your wager,” he said.
“I’ll bet you can’t use the word ‘because’ three times consecutively in a sentence. That is my challenge!”
After thinking for a moment, he replied, “You cannot end a sentence with the word because because because is a conjunction. You lose.”
