FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
Reason for sale: No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Machine and Bottle.
After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, “I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
Husband: What happened honey?
Wife: I have severe neck pain.
Husband: I’m going out to shop. Do you need anything for your neck?
Wife: Yeah. One necklace!
A man was in a bar with his buddies, recounting the events of the previous week.
It was payday the previous Friday, so he had decided to stay out with his friends for a spot of drinking.
An evening out turned into a whole weekend of partying, and he only returned home on Sunday night, to bear his wife’s inevitable wrath.
“My wife wasn’t too pleased that I didn’t show up for a whole weekend,” he said.
“What did she say to you?” asked his buddies.
“Well, she just nagged for what seemed like an eternity, then at one point, she asked me how I’d like it if I didn’t see her for two or three days,” he replied.
“And what did you say?” they asked.
“I told her it would be fine by me!”
“So did she leave?”
“Well no, she didn’t leave, but the joke’s on her. On the third day, my left eye opened up a little bit.”
