Ralph came home drunk one night,
slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber…
He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, “You died in your sleep Ralph.”
Ralph was stunned. “I’m dead? No I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”
St Peter said, “I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.”
Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. “So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?”
“Not bad,” replied Ralph the Hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside, like I’m going to explode.”
“You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster. “Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before!”
“Never.” said Ralph.
“Well just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster, “It’s no big deal.”
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…
“RALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!”
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: “Rest in Peace.” The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied: “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this – somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying:
“Congratulations on your new location!”
