On a long haul UK flight, a mother took her young son to the toilet and told him she would come back for him, in five minutes.
However, he was finished in two minutes so he left the toilet and wandered off down the aisle, in the opposite direction from where his mother was.
Meanwhile, a businessman entered the toilet and locked the door.
After the five minutes were up, the mother knocked on the door and called out, “Do you need any help with the zipper?”
From behind the door, a startled male voice said, “Good God!!! That’s what I call service…”
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An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather in New York was too bad to allow his usual on-time departure.
The weather in New York finally cleared, and the pilot requested his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.
Sometime later, he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country, he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule, he inquired, quite agitated, of the controller for the reason for the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.
The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look, buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!”
The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747’s collide!”
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A plane takes off with two hours delay.
Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
“Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies:
“Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.”
