A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open.
As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?”
The man replied in passing, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight.
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug asked, “Why did you put up such a fight?”
To which the man promptly replied, “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe.”
Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”.
Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.
He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “WOW, the women really have it made!”.
Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. “This is amazing!” he thought, “Men’s rooms having nothing like this!”
He then pressed the button marked “PP”, which yielded a large powder puff that delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”, and then everything went black. When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.
When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies’ room on a plane.”
The nurse replied, “Yes, I’m sure you were having a great time until you pressed the ‘AIR’ button, which stands for ‘Automatic Tampon Remover.'”
