These two guys are sat in their hospital beds having a little chat.
The first guy asks the second, “What are you in for?”
“Camera down the throat.” the second guy replies.
“Oh, endoscopy?” the first guy asks.
The second guy says, “Yeah. Checking for stomach cancer. How about you?”
“Camera up the butt.” the first guy says.
“Oh colonoscopy, checking for bowel cancer?” asks the second guy.
The first guy says, “No, my neighbor was sunbathing and my wife caught me taking a photo.”
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: “Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.”
Husband: “What’s up?”
Wife: “According to DNA test results, this is not our kid!”
Husband: “Well you don’t remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, you noticed that our baby had a dirty diaper. So you said, ’Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.’ So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.”
The wife fainted.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz.
Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said.
“Two round trip, three one way.”
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”
