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Billy and Joe were talking one afternoon.
Billy tells Joe, “You know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation.”
He continues, “Only this year I’m gonna do it a little differently. In the last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii, and Eva got pregnant.”
“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Eva got pregnant again.”
“Last year you suggested Tahiti, and darned if Eva didn’t get pregnant again.”
Joe asks Billy, “So, what are you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy says, “This year I’m taking Eva with me.”
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In a small town, a person decided to open up a br0th∈l, which was right opposite to a church.
The church and its congregation started a campaign to block the br0th∈l from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the br0th∈l and it was burnt to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the br0th∈l owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation and prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his br0th∈l, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
“I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a br0th∈l owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn’t.”
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One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, “There isn’t anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain.”
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious…!
“We can’t worship today. You do NOT yet believe,” he said.
“But,” they protested, “we prayed, and we do believe!”
“Believe???” he responded. “Then where are your umbrellas???”
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Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.
He motioned the man in, all the while saying, “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details.”
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said, “but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
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There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it.
He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.
One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.
Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, “I wonder what’s inside the drum?”
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Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.
“Hellllllp!” he cried when he spotted her down below.
“What are you doing up there?” she called back.
“I was skydiving,” he answered, “and my parachute didn’t open!”
The blonde rolled her eyes. “Well, of course it didn’t. If you’d just asked one of the locals, anybody could’ve told you that *nothing* around here opens on a Sunday!”
