Joe and Bob, along with some friends, agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.
While looking at the menu, Bob noticed Joe looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.
“What would you like, Joe?” he asked.
“I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish,” Joe replied.
“Joe, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish,” Bob said.
“What do you know,” answered Joe, “I’m getting it.”
“Joe, I’m telling you, you are a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!” Bob exclaimed.
“I’m getting it, and that is the last word!” says Joe.
A short while later, the meals arrive at the table.
Joe looks down at his dish and says to Bob, “Where are my eggs?”
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A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant.
The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart.
Trying to save face, she says to the waiter, “Please stop that immediately.”
“Certainly, madame,” replies the waiter with a bow. “Which way was it headed?”
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When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.
“Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”
“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.
“I don’t care where it’s been,” he replied. “What is it now?”
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A beggar knocked on the door of a house.
“What do you want?” said the owner.
“Can you spare some money to help a poor person?” said the beggar.
But as soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, “Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week.”
“Well, my son can afford to,” said the owner, “he has a very rich father.”
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A young lad and his mother were walking down the street one day
When the boy suddenly yelled excitedly, “Mother, Mother, Look at that bowlegged man!”
His mother immediately hushed him, explaining it was not polite to make fun of bowlegged people.
The next day, the same thing happened. “Look, mother, there’s that bowlegged man!”
The mother grabbed the lad by the arm, saying, “When we get home, you’ll be punished for this outburst.”
When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare, “Go to your room and read this book. You can’t come out until you have finished it. Maybe you will learn something from this punishment.”
Two days later, they are walking down the same street when the boy again spots the person he had been making fun of: “Hark! What manner of men are these, Who weareth their legs in parentheses?”
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A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs on it.
He hit a stone and fell down along with the cycle. The eggs also fell down and broke. A crowd gathered around the boy.
As usual free advice started flowing from the on lookers, “Couldn’t you be more careful?”
“What is this, you are cycling, casually without attention?”
An old man approached the crowd saw what had happened and said, “Poor fellow this boy has to answer the Owner of the shop. Ok I will help him, as much as I can……,” saying this handed over $10 to the boy.
And also said, “These onlookers are good people, they will not only give advice, they will help you by giving money also, accept their help.”
The onlookers observing the sayings of the old man and his actions, gave money to the boy.
The boy was very happy, since the money collected was more than the value of the eggs broken.
One of the onlooker asked the boy, “Young man if that old man was not around, I do not know what difficulties you would have faced with your owner.”
The boy smiled and replied, “Sir, that old man is the owner of the shop, where I work.”
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A husband and wife were walking down
a high street when the wife spots a beautiful diamond necklace in a jewelry store window.
She urges her husband to go inside so that she can take a look at it. Although she wants it, he simply doesn’t have to buy it for her, but he promises that it’ll be hers one day.
A month passes, and the wife is at home wondering where on earth her husband is.
She angrily calls his cell phone. “Where the hell are you?” she asks.
“Darling, you remember that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?”
“Yeah, I remember that my love!” she replies, smiling and blushing profusely as she does.
“I’m in the bar just next to that.”
