I was headed for a blind date last night, but I was worried… what to do if she was really unattractive.
My friend told me not to worry as there is an app for just that situation. It’s called Mum Are You Okay. It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date. If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with; Mum? What’s the matter? Are you okay? It works every time, so no worries.
So anyway, I knocked on the girl’s door and it turns out I needn’t have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous with stunning looks.
But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, “Mum? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
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After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.
He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
“I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don’t call the one in the second column. It’s me.”
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A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, “So I hear you hunt deer.”
The man looked away and turned red.
“What’s wrong?” asked the woman.
“I’m not used to someone calling me dear on the first date,” the man said.
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An Awesome Time
A young man showed up to his date’s house and told her they were going to have “an awesome time” that evening.
“What are we doing?” she asked.
“I got three tickets to a concert.”
“Why would we need three tickets?” his date asked.
“The tickets are for your parents and sister.”
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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, and so went to his father for advice.
“My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up his date, and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy’s nervousness builds, but he then remembers his father’s advice and asks the girl:
“Do you like potato pancakes?”
“No,” comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
“Do you have a brother?”
“No.”
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card:
“If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”
