Michael’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old,
goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks her husband – “Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Looking over her carefully, Michael replied…
“Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.
Just as she was about to tell Michael his reward, he stops her by saying:
“WHOA, hold on there sweetie… I haven’t added them up yet!”
P.S – Please let us know if you’ve seen him, we’re very worried.
A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”
The wife, startled at her husband’s reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???
Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”
The wife runs to the fri-
“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”
The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.
Machine and Bottle.
After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, “I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
An old man is sitting out on his deck one day
when he sees a young boy walking down the road with a roll of duct tape under his arm.
“Where are you going?” asks the old man.
“To catch some ducks” says the kid.
“You can’t catch ducks with duct tape” replies the old man.
“Ok” says the kid and carries on his way.
2 hours later up the road comes the kid with a load of ducks wrapped up in the tape.
Next day same old man see kid with a roll of chicken wire: “Where you off to today?”
Kid: “Going to catch some chickens.”
“You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.”
Kid: “Ok”
Sure as bears shit in the woods a few hours later here comes the kid lugging a load of chickens caught in the wire. Next day the old man sees the kid with some sort of plant.
“What you got today?”
Kid: “A bunch of pussy willows.”
“Hold on till I get my coat.”
