Nurse to Patient: How old are you, Mrs.Smith?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All Right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: And that’s exactly the chance of my telling you my age.
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A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons.
One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood.
Then suddenly a man in his early 40’s rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.
She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, “Well, hell, I can’t throw that far!”
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Two old friends went on a fishing trip and used the time away from home to complain about their wives.
“Tell me something,” one of them asked, “how come every year I forget my wedding anniversary, but my wife always remembers—and then gets mad at me?”
“That’s actually very easy to explain,” the other replied. “Remember that summer before you got married? We went on a trip, and you caught the biggest fish of your life?”
“Of course I do!” said the first. “How could I ever forget landing a catch like that?”
“Well,” said his friend, “just like in your case—trust me—the fish doesn’t remember a thing!”
