Fred was well known for his cheapness and his “eye for a bargain.”
One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop.
As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in three pieces. After some haggling with the owner, Fred bought the broken vase for $5.
He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his niece’s name and address and gave the owner another $5 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. Fred then left the shop feeling quite pleased with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase had been broken in the mail.
A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had arrived. “Yes, Uncle Fred, but unfortunately it was in 3 pieces when it was delivered.”
“What terrible luck!” said Fred. “The Post Office is getting worse all the time!”
“It is a shame,” she replied, “and it was so beautifully wrapped too … each piece separately.”
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During the weeks before Brenda’s wedding, she was terribly anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony.
The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and that she would do just fine.
“All you have to remember,” he said, “is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN…. then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can’t go wrong.”
The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear.
When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, “Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn.”
At that very moment, the bridegroom realized that his friends who had warned him about marriage were correct, as her thoughts which he could now hear quite clearly – “I’ll alter him. I’ll alter him.”
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Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
“Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”
Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear…. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.”
