An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
“You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”
The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France.”
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long, hard look.
“Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”
=============================================
Always wondering the pleasure of flying the aero plane,
a airplane cleaner came early morning to clean the plane and saw a book “How to fly an aeroplane for beginners. Part I” on pilot’s seat.
He opened the book and started reading, “First Press the green button on right to start the engine.”
Well he did and the engine started.
He flipped to page 2 and it read “Press purple button to start airplane moving on runway.”
He did and airplane started moving and catching up the speed.
He went to third page and it read, “Press the red button to take off the plane in air.”
He did and plane was flying. He started turning the pilot’s wheel and plane started circling, going up and down and was having lots of fun. He decided before any one knows to land the plane, go home and brag to his friends.
He went to next page and it read in red “To land the plane successfully go to the nearby store and buy Part II for beginners.”
=============================================
There were five people aboard an airplane that was experiencing engine trouble and about to crash.
The problem? There were only four parachutes.
As everyone tried to figure out who should get the parachutes, the first person stood up and said, “I’m the smartest person to ever walk the Earth. The world cannot afford to lose me.” Without waiting for a response, he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The second person said, “I’m a mother, and my family depends on me. I can’t let them down.” She quickly took a parachute and leapt out as well.
The third person declared, “I’m the head of my household and the sole breadwinner. My family’s survival depends on me.” With that, he grabbed a parachute and jumped too.
Now, only two people remained: a 65-year-old man and a 12-year-old boy.
The old man turned to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve lived a full life. You’re young and have your whole future ahead of you. You take the last parachute.”
The boy looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry, Sir. There are still two parachutes left.”
The old man was puzzled. “How’s that possible?”
The boy chuckled and said, “Well, the guy who thought he was the smartest person on Earth? He grabbed my backpack.”
=============================================
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said:
“Let’s talk, I am sure that flights are faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know”, said the stranger.
“How about n.u.clear power?” The girl asked.
“Ok,” he said “That could be an interesting topic!”
The girl continues: “But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
“The stranger thinks about it and says: “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies: “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know s.hit?”
=============================================
Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.
“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “why don’t we attend Mass?”
“Sure,” replies his friend. “But we don’t know how the French pray and we can’t speak French!”
The first guy thinks of a solution. “We’ll pick a guy in front of us, and whatever he does, we’ll do.”
His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit close to the front, and choose a guy.
Fifteen minutes pass, and their plan is working well. Thirty minutes, no issues.
By the time forty-five minutes pass, they’ve gotten used to the routine. Suddenly, while everyone is seated, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they chose stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up as well.
The church bursts into hard laughter.
Realizing that no one else is standing up, the two American men leave in embarrassment. They wait for the Mass to end, and then approach the priest, who spoke English.
“We’re well-meaning people- we don’t speak French and just chose some guy to imitate while praying,” one says.
The priest chuckles. “Ah. You’re probably wondering why everyone laughed at you.”
“Yes,” replied the other American.
“Well, you see, I announced the Baptism of a child… and asked for the father of the child to stand up.”
