A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple.

The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

“This temple is 1503 years old,” replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

“Easy,” replies the guide. “The archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago.”

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A tourist was driving on a back road in Arkansas during a heavy rainstorm.

He passed a cabin with a man sitting on the porch playing his fiddle.

“Why don’t you go inside on this rainy day?” the tourist asked.

“Because the roof leaks,” answered the fiddler.

“Well, then, why don’t you fix the roof?”

“Can’t fix a roof when it’s raining,” the fiddler answered.

“So, why don’t you fix the roof on a sunny day?”

“Cause the roof don’t leak on sunny days!” replied the fiddler.

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Johan and Eric, two computer geeks with little social experience, ran into each other at the college entrance.

“That’s a great bike you have there! What made you get it?” Eric asked Johan.

Johan got off the bike, removed his helmet and responded: “I didn’t purchase it, Andrea gave it to me as a gift.”

“As a GIFT?!” Eric exclaimed in surprise, “I always knew she was into you, but this is taking it to a whole new level!”

Johan smiled and told him: “Yesterday I was strolling in the park and I saw Andrea on this bike. She came to me without saying anything, tossed the bike aside, then took off all her clothes and said ‘Take whatever you want!'”

Eric’s jaw was hanging loose.

“So, I took the bike.” Johan finished.

Eric nodded in agreement and stated: “Good decision, her clothes wouldn’t fit you.”