“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” Peter told his friend Alex.
Alex suggests, “Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?”
“But what if my wife finds out?” asks Peter.
“Heck, this is a new age we live in, Peter. Go ahead and tell her about it!” said Alex.
So Peter went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.”
“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried that – it didn’t work.”
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A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.
“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences, and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”
The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? Must I give him half? My money?”
“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”
“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”
“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”
There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye.
“What about our three children?”
That stumped him. Shrewdly, he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer, “Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children, and your husband takes two.”
The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”
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On their 50th wedding anniversary
and during the banquet celebrating it, Susan was asked to give her friends a brief account of the benefits of such a long marriage.
“Tell us Susan, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your husband?”
Susan responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?”
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, ” I have a better idea, just for tonight, let’s make pretend that were married.”
The man says happily, “OK!” AWESOME!”
The woman says, “GOOD …. get your own darn blanket!!!”
