A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
“Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”
“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.
“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”
“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “There must be some mistake.”
“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”
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A college student writes to his parents…
“Dear mom and dad,
“I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
“Your son,
Marvin.
“P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late.”
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
“Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!”
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A young banker decides to take a day off from his stressful job
and goes back to visit some of his professors at his old university.
As he enters the university, he sees a dog attacking a small child.
The banker quickly jumps on the dog and strangles it.
The next day, the local paper runs the story with the headline “Valiant student saves boy from vicious dog.”
When the banker sees the paper, he calls the editor of the paper and strongly suggests that a correction be printed, pointing out that he’s no longer a student, but a successful banker.
The next day, the paper issues a correction, with a headline saying, “Pompous banker k*lls university mascot.”
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There was this burglary and the main burglar shouted to all the bank employees:
“Nobody move, money belongs to the government, life belongs to you”.
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.
This is called “Mind Changing Concept –> Changing the conventional way of thinking”.
————–
When the burglars got back, the younger burglar (MBA) told the older burglar (who is only primary school educated), “Bro, let’s count how much we got”, the older burglar rebutted and said, “You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”
This is called “Experience –> sometimes experience is more important than paper qualifications!”
————–
After the burglars left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says “Wait, wait wait, let’s put the 10 million pounds we embezzled into the amount the burglars robbed”.
This is called “Swim with the tide –> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!”
————–
The next day, TV news reported that 50 million pounds was taken from the bank. The burglars counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million pounds. The burglars were very angry and complained “We risked our lives and only took 20 million pounds, the bank manager took 30 million pounds with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!”
This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”
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Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.
My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, “God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!”
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, “That’s what’s wrong with this country. Kids today don’t even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!”
Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, “Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?”
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grand-son and said, “I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer.”
“Really?” my grand-son asked.
“Cross my heart,” the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), “Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes.”
Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he told her, “Here, this is for you. Shove it up your ass you grouchy old b*tch! ”
Touches the heart doesn’t it?
Bet you didn’t see that coming!!!!!
