A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!”
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home during a small party. He was a bit foggy after having a drink or two.
He said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
The wife went red with shock and rage. She shouted: “Who was that?”
The drunk manager was so frightened that he forgot the second half of the joke, and he blurted out, “I can’t remember!”
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have k. i lled most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Food is loaded with MSG.
Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!’
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, ‘Mary, I won the prize for the Best toast of the night!’
She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?’
John said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.’
‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’
She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years… Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’
