The Grandmother was looking at a picture her six-year-old granddaughter had drawn of a fat cat.
She asked the granddaughter what kind it was.
She looked up and said that it was a cat that was going to have kittens. “See, I’ll show you.”
Carefully, she outlined in pencil four very small kittens inside the cat’s body.
The grandmother then asked: “Do you know how they got there?”
Looking at her seriously, she said: “Of course, I know. I drew them.”
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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic’s eyelids begin to flutter, her voice warbles, her hands float up above the table, and she begins to moan.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes, granddaughter, it’s me!”
“It’s really, really you, grandmother?” the woman repeats.
“Yes, it’s really me, granddaughter!”
The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”
“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me!”
The woman pauses for a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you!”
“Anything, my child!”
“Grandmother, you’re Italian! When did you learn to speak English?”
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Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies.
Little Annie is now silent for a while.
“You understand it now?” Mum asks.
“Yes,” replies her daughter.
“Do you still have any questions?”
“Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?”
“In exactly the same way as with babies.”
“Wow!” the girl exclaims. “My daddy can do ANYTHING!”
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic primary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, “Hey, we can take all we want. God is watching the apples.”
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Children of now a days are so spoilt that they don’t even know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten.
3. Crying without being beaten.
4. Standing while the elders were seated.
5. Sitting while the elders were standing.
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders were seated.
7. Replying back to an elder.
8. Not replying back to an elder.
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished.
11. Not greeting visitors.
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors were leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset.
16. Eating at the neighbour’s home.
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly.
22. Eating too quickly.
23. Eating too much.
24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up.
25. Looking at the visitors while they were eating.
26.Stumbling and falling when walking.
27. Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball.
28. When an elder was talking to you and you blinked your eye.
29. When an elder was talking to you and you stirred without blinking.
30. When you looked at an elder with a corner eye.
31. When your mates were playing Street football and you joined them to play.
