A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k.i.lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”
Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”
John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
“Stop!” screams Jim, to no avail. He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!” The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.
Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune. He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief.
“Oh,” he says, relieved. “Thank God!”
