A man walks into a bar with a box under his arm and says to the bartender, “If I can show something you’ve never seen before, will you give me a free drink?”
Now the bartender has seen almost everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me, and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!”
So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well.
The little man walks up to the piano and starts playing!
The bartender was blown away by this and agreed to the drinks and then asks, “Where did you find him?”
“Well,” says the man, “I found this magic lamp.”
Go back into the box and pulls out this old brass oil lamp.
“I rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish, then he told me to pass the lamp on to the next person that did me a kindness.”
“Wow,” the bartender said.
The man then said, “As you gave me a drink I’m going to let you have the lamp.”
“But be careful what you wish for though.”
So the bartender rubs the lamp and then makes his wish.
Next thing the bar has ducks everywhere!!!
Crapping on the bar and the floor and all over the customers!!!!!
The bartender yells at the man and says, “I wished for a Million Bucks! Not a million Ducks!”
To this, the man replies, “ And you think that I wished for a 12-inch Pianist?!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
Three husbands were sitting at a bar
Three husbands were sitting at a bar, each nursing a drink and lamenting the mysteries of married life.
Husband 1 sighs and says, “My wife is a genius. She remembers everything I ever said… especially the things I forgot to do.”
Husband 2 nods. “Mine too. Last week, she said I didn’t listen to her. Or maybe that’s what she said. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
Husband 3 chuckles. “Gentlemen, you have it easy. My wife is so persuasive, she once convinced me that I was wrong about something I hadn’t even said yet.”
They all laugh and raise their glasses, when an old man at the end of the bar, with a long white beard and a twinkle in his eye, leans over and says, “You lads still have much to learn. I’ve been married 50 years. You want to know the secret?”
They nod eagerly.
The old man continues, “Every fight I ever had with my wife, I lost. Every one. But… I figured out how to win.”
The three men lean in closer.
“I simply learned two magical words,” he says, holding up two fingers. “‘Yes, dear.’ That’s it. That phrase has saved me from sleeping on the couch more times than I can count.”
Husband 1 asks, “But doesn’t that mean you just give up?”
The old man laughs. “No, no. You don’t give up. You just surrender… strategically. Like a ninja.”
He goes on:
“Let me tell you what happened last week. My wife asked, ‘Do you think I’m overreacting?’”
He pauses and looks at them seriously.
“Now, I may be old, but I’m not stupid. That question is a trap wrapped in a riddle inside a landmine.”
“So I smiled, nodded, and said, ‘Yes, dear.’”
Husband 2 frowns. “And that worked?”
“Well,” the old man says, “not exactly. I’m still recovering from the saucepan incident… but I consider it a partial victory. At least I now know what not to say. Again.”
The three husbands laugh, and the old man raises his glass.
“To wives! The only people who can multitask, win arguments in their sleep, and somehow always be right… even when they aren’t.”
The others clink their glasses.
And for once, they all agreed… quietly, and well within earshot of no one important.
