The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.
“I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man.
“What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?”
The man replied, “Income tax officer.”
A winery started looking for a new taster.
At a winery, the regular taster has just retired and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director didn’t want to hire him, so he find a way to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said,
“It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.
Low grade, but acceptable.”
“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass…
“This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”
“Wow, Correct.” A third glass…
“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The man tried it and say:
“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”