A MAN in western attire went into a bar and asked for 30 martinis in a bucket.
“What? Why would you want so many martinis?” questioned the bartender.
“My horse likes them,” replied the cowboy, “and he’s tied to a parking meter out front, dying of thirst. I want to surprise him.”
So the bartender got busy and came up with a bucket of martinis.
“If you don’t mind,” he said, “I’d like to see this boozing horse with my own eyes.”
“Be my guest,” said the customer, and the two went outside and placed the bucket by the horse, who drank deeply.
“Darnedest thing I ever saw,” said the bartender. “Why don’t you come back in, and I’ll mix you a few on the house?”
“No, I couldn’t do that,” said the man. “But thanks anyway.”
“What’s the matter?” asked the bartender. “Don’t you like martinis?”
“Love’em,” replied the cowboy, “but I gotta drive.”
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
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A guy was driving past a farm one day when he noticed a beautiful horse stood in one of the fields.
Hoping to buy the horse, the guy stopped and offered the farmer $500 for it.
The farmer said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”
The guy said, “He looks just fine. Tell you what, I’ll give you $1,000 for him.”
The farmer again said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”
The guy now really wanted the horse and so increased his offer to $1,500.
The farmer said, “Well, he doesn’t look so good but if you want him that much he’s yours.”
So the guy bought the horse and took him home. The next day he returned to the farm, hopping mad.
He shouted at the farmer, “Hey, you cheated me! You sold me a blind horse!”
The farmer calmly said, “I told you he didn’t look too good, didn’t I?”
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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Betty Sue’ written on it’
He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? ‘Betty Sue’ was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.”
She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he’s reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She answers, “Your horse called.”
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A cowboy rides his horse into a small town.
His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.
The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: “I will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don’t see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn’t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.”
After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back.
The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. “Hey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?”
The cowboy looked at him with an iron gaze and responded: “I had to walk home.”
