A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people have tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice,
“I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?”
The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
A man walks into the front door of a bar.
A man walks into the front door of a bar.
He is drunk, stumbles to the bar, sits on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off of the stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles into the side door of the same bar.
He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely but more firmly, refuses to serve the man because he is drunk and again offers to call a taxi.
The drunk stares at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar.
He plops himself down on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is drunk, will not be served a drink, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries, “MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?”
