A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
“Oh, well, never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained.
“She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theatre arts.”
He continued, “She communicates well, and I act like I’m listening.”
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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.
It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”
He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
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Wife texts her Husband who is at work:
Hey bring home a loaf of bread. Oh, and your girlfriend Elizabeth says ‘hello’.
Husband: Who’s Elizabeth?
Wife: Nobody, just wanted to make sure you got my text.
Husband: Dang, I’m with Elizabeth now, I thought you caught us!
Wife: What!? Where are you!?
Husband: I’m at the bakery, why?
Wife: I’ll be right there! (5 minutes later) Where are you?
Husband: I’m at work. Where are you?
Wife: I’m at the bakery!
Husband: Don’t forget the bread.
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A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”
The wife, startled at her husband’s reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.
“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences, and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”
The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? Must I give him half? My money?”
“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”
“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”
“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”
There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye.
“What about our three children?”
That stumped him. Shrewdly, he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer, “Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children, and your husband takes two.”
The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”
