A husband and wife are shopping in their local Walmart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it’s half the price.”
He never knew what hit him.
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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A woman is being hounded by her family to put up Christmas decorations, so she heads to the local store in search of Christmas lights.
Upon arrival, the store assistant shows the woman the top brand of Christmas lights.
“These are our top selling Christmas lights this year,” he tells her.
“That’s great, but I need to make sure every light bulb works before I make a purchase,” she demands. “Please plug them in so I can see.”
The store assistant opens the box, untangles the lights and plugs them in. To the customer’s delight, every colourful bulb lights up.
The man behind the counter unplugs the lights and carefully places them back in the box. He then goes to scan the item before the lady starts kicking off.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she says. “I don’t want this box. I want one that hasn’t been opened.”
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There’s a beer convention in town, and all the CEOs from all the beer companes are there.
During a break between seminars, a few of them went down to the hotel bar for a drink.
The Anheuser Busch CEO says to the bartender, “I’ll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers,” and he takes his drink and sits at a table.
The Coors CEO says, “I’ll have a Coors, Brewed with Pure Rocky Mountain Spring Water,” and joins the other CEO.
The Heineken CEO says, “I’ll have a Heineken, Lager Beer at its Best,” and he, too, sits at the table.
The Guinness CEO says, “I’ll have a glass of water, please,” and joins the others.
The other three CEOs look at him, puzzled, and one of them inquires, “You’re drinking water?”
“Yes,” he replies. “If you three aren’t drinking beer, then neither am I.”
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Joe spent the evening tossing down a number of beers at the local bar.
It was after eleven o’clock when he finally staggered out into the cold and rainy night in an attempt to find his way home. With the weather as bad as it was, he soon became lost, and found himself wandering through the town Cemetery. He slipped while walking and fell headlong into a freshly dug grave. In his condition, the rain and mud proved too much to handle, and he couldn’t manage to climb out.
“Help!” he cried out. “Help! I’m so cold!”
A little while later, another over indulged inebriant left the bar. As luck would have it, the second man was nearby when he heard Joe cry.
“Help, I’m so cold!” Joe continued to call.
The other man staggered in the direction of the voice. It got louder and louder as he neared the cemetery.
“Help! I’m cold! Help! I’m cold!”
The second man followed the voice and approached the grave. As he peered over the side, Joe looked up and yelled one more time,
“Help! I’m cold!”
“Of course you’re cold, replied the second drunk, peering down.”You’ve kicked off all your dirt.”
